One of the gratifying things about painting is it provides an opportunity to pin exactly the moment or feeling you’ve been housing inside you. Unfortunately, there are also an infinite number of ways to fail at it. While success in a painting is a cumulative venture, failure can be splintered into a series of wrong turns. In this sense, painting can be like driving into an imagined city without any roadmaps. There is frustration, and while there can be beautiful things to see along the way, sometimes you never do arrive at the place you were seeking.
Part of the reason that abstraction can be so difficult is because there is no explicit guidance or even a membrane of a form to contain it beyond what is created minute by minute. There are no requirements to represent anything physical—only formal art principles. Abstraction is freed from the restraints of representational painting; it is a wilderness of your own making. There is no table of fruit as a touchstone.
Lately, I’ve had the opportunity to paint representationally for a group art project. My task was to paint two panels that would form part of a larger painting. After receiving two images to reproduce, I had to painstakingly grid out the images, as well as the panels, in order to render them accurately. The ironic thing was, the process of gridding consumed much more time than the painting itself. When finally applying the paint, I let a delirium take hold, and the paint swelled rapturously beyond the penciled lines, augmenting curves and exaggerating angles. In the paintings, the architecture assumes the shaky stability of a wedding cake. Even the windows of a skyscraper I had meticulously plotted out with a ruler were diminished to haphazard streaks of color.
In looking at the panels now, I tend to fixate on the application of paint more than the image itself. Heaped in certain areas, it thins out in others, as if conforming to its own law of conservation, where no matter is lost. But the subject matter is somewhat lost, in honing in, and the woman in the prim hat and coat is diminished to fields of hungrily applied color.
Something that surprised me was how the subject matter did not, in fact, eclipse the use of paint itself. If anything, it draws more attention to it, even though one would think that an abstract would foreground the use of paint more than a figurative piece would. Maybe because one expects to identify the image as looking a certain way (i.e., I should see a woman in a red coat), the represented image gets subsumed in the actual application of paint, and the technique becomes more apparent. Either way, there is an enigmatic, sometimes uneasy, interplay between image and surface in representational art. It’s like looking at a glass table and seeing your face reflected in it amidst the crumbs and stains and scratches. But in that duality also exists the beauty of representation.
Here are pictures of the panels.



